Reporters state girl with Golden Locks named Paris being chased out of the woods by three lions. She stole a plate of pork ribs. Her story was that it was not her fault. She had been living on a mountain for about three years with only what nature had provided.
Reporter: Why were you living on a mountain? Paris: At the age of twelve I was kicked out of my own kingdom for the Golden locks I was born with. It was not my fault everybody else was brunet. I was forced to live on the furtherest mountain from the kingdom. Just for being odd. Reporter: quite a story you have here. Its really interesting. You shall tell it to the judge Goldilocks. Paris: Hey I recognize you. Your from the kingdom aren't you. Wait are you my brother? Reporter: I chime in with haven't you people ever heard of closing the goshdamn door no its much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I was sent to court as reporters did not believe my story. I was sentenced to live in a dark gloomy underground lair for a 12months period. During my underground lair time I met a boy who was also persuaded by the sweet smell of food on another mountain. His story was quite similar to mine. I looked up to him as a brother. And little did I know he WAS my brother. The long lost one I had heard about while I lived in the Kingdom.
To show we were the men, we were going to create a diversion at the kingdom so our animals could bust it down. P.S eat everyone as well.